Losing yourself in the midst of life....

Growing up is not easy, we are told the paths we are meant to follow. We start life being taught everything from going to the toilet to brushing our teeth, slowly we start to accomplish things on our own, the simple tasks first and then everything gets a step harder. We start school and get taught how to read and write, taught how to pass exams and told the level that we are meant to achieve to be smart or successful. some of us stay in education for a long time. This whole process of life is just a process of what you are meant to do. Its so easy to lose yourself in the stages of this, the worry that if you step off the path you will no longer be at the level of your peers, the worry that if you find yourself and everyone thinks you've changed for the worst, how do you block out all these voices and just be comfortable being you. I've lived a very independent life, I have struggled to find myself and who I am. I have experimented to test my boundaries and I have lived a life that is not planned out step by step. I have fallen so far off the path that I no longer have a vision of where I am going. But I am still the machine the world orchestrated my life, I finished school and went on to University and now I am in my final year and I am lost. Not only lost in the sense of finding my next step in life but I feel like I am at a standstill in my life and I know I am nearing the end. I am getting closer to what I have worked my whole life for but my brain has suddenly lost momentum. The speed that everyone walks being in their final year I have lost the willingness to work I have lost. I am like an athlete who is one hurdle away from the Olympic gold medal and I have faltered and lost my footing, I have lost my place at the top or so it feels like. Time has slowed down, nothing matters any more the way it use to, food does not taste the same any more, success does not feel exhilarating the way it use to. I am at a standstill at the most crucial point of my life and I feel like a sinking shit with no life boat or a life jacket in site. I have lost myself while living life, how is that even possible? It's as though someone came through the window of my bedroom and stole the person I was straight from my body.